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Monday, September 1, 2014

My Own Misery

Its a sobering moment to realize:

As an adult (without exception), every single time I experienced misery in my life, it was the result of a very few situations:
1. My own making (IE: I would do things that inadvertently set up difficult situations for myself. Common cliches: Slashing Peter to benefit Paul. I don't have a choice.). For instance, I would sabotage opportunities. When I had a new job, I would select unreliable people to babysit, ensuring that I'd miss time from work. Before people start doing that thing, "Well I only have so many options" blah, blah -- that's just not true. I had unlimited options. I wanted to not pay the money for a licensed day care, so I paid other people (family members, really) to watch the kids. I made my own problems through my choices. 
2. The inability to get out of my own way (IE: Doing the same things that have never brought desired results, but continuing to do them anyway. Lots of colloquialisms apply here: Its the way I've ALWAYS done it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Can't see the forest for the trees.). I don't keep it a secret that I'm a person in recovery. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I drank too much at a work function, the night before an important event, or to manage anxiety over some perceived deficit. 
3. My own perceptions (IE: Blaming people, circumstances, or anything outside of myself for my experience. Applicable platitude: Its all YOUR fault. The whole world's against me. I've got no luck.). Every time that I've thrown my hands up in the air in my life and cried about not being able to catch a break, it was my own perceptions that created obstacles. I was having a bad day because the coffee maker was broken, the alarm clock didn't go off, or that jerk cut me off on the way to work. 

Fortunately, I know (today) that none of these things are valid. I make every choice in my life. If I make a bad one, I'm responsible for the results and consequences. If I recognize that my way isn't the only way, I can seek other's advice and counsel when I can't see my way out of a situation, or I cannot come up with a solution. If I practice personal accountability, I know that I'm responsible for my own perceptions, values, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. I can CHOOSE how I want to react in every circumstance. Sometimes, things break or don't work, and other people do things that affect me. I can always choose how and whether I internalize that event. Therefore, I can decide how I allow it to affect me. 

I am no victim. I am a powerful being who can direct my own life. Sometimes, things will happen TO me; but, how I respond is 100% my decision.