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Thursday, August 6, 2015

Truth as subjective

There is no one truth. There is only my truth. This doesn't in any way invalidate my truth. Instead, it gives it perspective.

For instance, my belief is that the universe is made up of energy... Tiny units all vibrating at different frequencies which give each it's unique form and function. Physics professors probably agree with my truth, in this case. Another person may believe that all life is made up of biological substances which are impacted by their physical environment, begetting their physical forms. For that person, life may end at death. Because I believe energy cannot be created nor destroyed, death cannot possibly be the end of life.

Which of us is right? We both are. Because we each have our own truth. The existence of consciousness after death is not proven. I cannot force my point, nor can the other person. I could muddy this water a thousand more times with additional diverse beliefs, but why bother?

About now, some astute person is pointing out that I'm talking about belief not truth. I would challenge them to differentiate the two concepts as to make them clearly separate. Really. I'm interested in your thoughts. If you look up the definitions of the words, you'll find each word used in the definition of the other. **smile**

Here is the point of this exercise in mental masturbation (you did know there had to be a point, right?):
If I understand that my truth belongs to me, I don't feel compelled to disrespect or belittle anyone else's truth. I can give it the same space I give my own without the compulsion to disprove it in order to prove myself correct. And, none of that is dependent upon whether I personally believe in any or all (or none) of the tenets of someone else's truth.

Is the subjective world of persons diagnosed with autism or psychosis any less valid than my own because I cannot see through their eyes or they through mine? Of course not. Their world is just as real and valid to them as mine is to me. We just don't have the same experience in the same place. Our worlds are different.

The world outside of us, after all, is quite often a greater reflection of our personal inner worlds than any other factor.

Let that sink in a minute.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

My Belly...A Love Song

I've spent years and years in a hateful, scornful relationship with my own body. This is not a revelation. It is just reality. The media barrage tells me, many times a day, that I'm not beautiful because I don't have a flat or concave set of washboard abs. It tells me that the lack of toned muscle around my middle means that I'm lazy, ugly, and -- truth be told, in light of my stretch marks -- deformed and hideous. Infomercials show me thin, ripped 50 year old women who've clearly been surgically (and otherwise) enhanced. They hold them up as the epitome of normalcy, making me the outcast.

I've had negative feelings about nearly every body part --
1. My eyes are not shaped the same, and one sits higher in the socket than the other, making me truly unphotogenic from every angle
2. There is cellulite on my thighs
3. My rear has become less perky and more of a long back
4. I have Fred Flintstone feet
5. My hands are gigantic and wide for a woman's -- paws, really
6. My breasts have run south faster than an Alabama felon
7. The backs of my upper arms wiggle and wave

I could go on and on and on, but no other body part received my disgust like my belly. It was never flat, even when I was quite thin. Its striped raggedly from one end to the other -- more closely resembling a sharp-clawed animal attack than a natural occurrence. I have hated it with a fury that caused me to hide it, cover it, strangle it in boning, and wrap it in spandex with a frenzy of determination to have an hourglass form.

As I've grown older, an understanding has been slowly, slowly creeping into my awareness. It began as a tiny whisper in the corner of my chest...the slight cringe whenever my husband rolled over at night, tucking in behind me and molding his body to mine, then slipping his hand around me, to rest on my not-flat stomach. And, his hand would just gently brush my belly, a gesture of love, and that tiny voice would be heard. That voice would grow when he would stand outside the bathroom door, watching me put on lotion or makeup, or drying my hair...a smile on his face. I could look in the mirror and smile at myself.

For, the voice didn't start from was whispered to me from a dozen different sources...women friends who complimented me on how sexy I looked, admiring glances from strangers, the way my body feels in the strong wind with the trees dancing in jubilation.

And, still it grows....when I see the lovely celebration of the feminine power of transformation and nurture all around me -- my grandchildren laughing and spinning with no self-criticism, pure joy in their eyes. Flowers and bees and creatures of all kinds engaged in daily life with no regard to their own appearance. One rose does not compare itself to another...instead, it just blooms.

And, as I age, my body changes more -- softening and easing, adjusting to the pull of gravity -- that little voice has turned into a song. This is what it sings to me:

Love me, woman, for I have made you what you are.
You have felt the spill of blood, teaching you to release that which no longer serves you. 
Ecstasy has been in the clenching of your center, displaying pleasure and its possibilities. 
I have blessed you with co-creation, where you alone maturated and brought forth life from your womb.
That growth of tiny feet kicking to be free stretched your skin in the most amazing fashion, an artist painting a pattern all your own. 
And, again, this miracle occurred...with new feet and tiny hands, pushing, moving, sleeping, and playing before bursting into this world from its safety within you. 
You hold the cauldron, the source and origin of all life within your very body. 
Your blood flows like the waters of the sea, cleansing and renewing in turn. 
You can mark your days by the phases of the close to you She is. 
Love me, woman, for I have made you what you are. 
And, you are magick. 

And, the song is in my ears. It seeps into my soul. And, I know its truth.

For, I am woman. 

And, I am magical.  

Further more...

...I am unashamed. 

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Deep Thoughts and Coffee

Deep thought over my coffee:
We live in such an unrealistic society. We expect to be happy, all the time; wealthy without hardship; educated without exertion; beautiful to an impossible standard; youthful forever; fearless in all things. We berate ourselves because we 'choose' to be sad; or don't 'deserve' good. How ridiculous! Life happens. Its imperfect, messy, frightening, and dreadful, sometimes. Fear is an adaptive reflex. Grief is healing. Pain is a lesson.
I want to embrace it all. (Please remind me when I forget.)
If no one has said it to you, today: 
Now, what are you going to DO with all that? Because, feelings don't define us, ACTIONS DO.