This morning, I was thinking about the big LIFE. Not the little 'what am I gonna do today' LIFE, but the big 'what the hell is the point of' my LIFE? And, I have to admit, I'm not sure.
I painted this piece, then painted over it, so its gone, now, but I'm glad I took a picture of it before I did. At the time, I thought I was painting the moon's energy separating me from the fires of my past. Today, when I look at the photo, I realize that I was literally in flames. I had burned some bridges and was on fire, myself.
Of course, I didn't know that, at the time.
Today, I don't often experience the circumstance of 'going up in flames.'
Honestly, I can't remember the last time I felt the burning desire to CREATE -- that internal push that says, "DO IT NOW!!"
The feeling that gets you out of bed at 2 am, screaming, "I WON'T BE IGNORED!!"
I got a bit disconcerted about that fact. Then, I realized. I don't feel that erratic, insane, diabolical, encompassing FIT to create, because I create ALL THE TIME. Yep. That's right. ALL THE TIME.
I am in the process of working on 3 paintings, writing 1 short story, 1 essay for magazine submission, 1 full length book, and planting my gardens for the year. All of those things are going on in my life, in addition to working my job (teaching cannot possibly be denied as a creative pursuit even in the most inexperienced hands), mentoring people I truly enjoy (they know who they are), and participating in my family (watching my 3 grandchildren grow up at a pace that is amazingly quick from my perspective, loving my husband of more than a quarter century, and being a member of my family of choice). Add to each of those things that I am actively studying my spirituality as well as a myriad of things that garner my interest (from sci-fi to making shoes). I have passions --- more than a few. They fire my imagination and broaden my mind.
I think I know what my path is, but I've no idea how to get there. I don't feel bad about that. My life is a study in synchronicity. When I'm supposed to move, opportunities present themselves. Until then, I just need to do as I should, living fully and purposefully in each moment.