It took me years to accept the duality within myself. I just couldn't reconcile that I was both cruel and compassionate, violent and venerable, aggressive and avoidant, intelligent and idiotic, nurturing and negative.
Then, once I did accept those things...not flagellate, not scream or repent my unworthiness...just accept that all of that is part of who and what I am; that I'm not condemned because of the parts of me that society deems 'bad.' Because, in the beginning, I saw those things that society teaches us are awful characteristics, and I tried to gouge them out of myself. The only thing I accomplished was to be left bleeding and sick.
I am not created to please society. I am not created to please anyone. I am created for the Divine purpose fated to me. And, that purpose requires that I have the ability and willingness to protect myself, the strength to speak my truth against opposition, and the fortitude to protect those unable to stand with me. I do not fear to speak my opinion, even when its unpopular. I have learned to do so with tact, when needed. I can also stand, solidly on my truth without the need for external validation. This does not make me special. In fact, it makes me EXACTLY like everyone else.
THEN, once I learned and accepted that these things existed within myself, I had to learn and accept that they existed inside EVERYONE else, too. People did not fit into a single category, the way I wanted to organize them: family member, friend, mentor, teacher, coworker, etc. They sometimes were more than one thing. It was only in the last year that I've learned to allow other people outside the categorically organized boxes in my mind. Some of the people in my life live in more than one file drawer...they are both my mentor, my friend, and my chosen family, for instance. As a result of the struggle I had, the discomfort, and the hurt feelings in 1 particular relationship -- a relationship far too important to me to release, one that I'd spent years building, and that entered my heart without my conscious consent -- I learned that it was ok for other people to have multiple purposes in my life and the lives of others. I took another step on the journey to being whole.