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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Total Alignment 2: Balance

In working through the free online painting class, Total Alignment, I have come to Invitation 2: Balance. And, UGH! The miserable feelings I have around this one! I ache for balance in my life, I pursue it with the single-minded determination of a freight train, moving on its tracks at high speed, with one destination allowed. WOAH! STOP! I can already see a few problems, here.

1. Who said I have to go to some destination that was pre-determined for me?
2. Fast sometimes is TOO fast.
3. Where's the BIG picture?

What was the giant thing I learned while working through today's invitation? Simple. (Why is it that all the important things seem so simple in retrospect?) I will never have balance in the external world. I will never be able to manage my work and home and goals and hobbies and loves and keep them in perfect balance. I am powerless over everything external.

For me, balance is about finding peace within, and not panicking when I'm topsy-turvy inside. Emotions are sometimes strong and rough and are no less necessary than the more pleasant ones. Excuse the clicheed metaphor, but some feelings are similar to a stormy sea -- powerful, dark, and turulent. Some are closer to a glass-smooth pond -- serene, devoid. And, my most favorite are like gentle waves lapping the sand -- sweet, languid, and loving. But, all are important. I do not learn while I'm at peace. I learn from turmoil. My most potent lessons come from difficulty. They are linked to my scars -- a remembrance of learning. In those cases, I will try to open my heart to the pain, and recognize the beauty, there.

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