I Have a Place

Something amazing came to me, this morning, while meditating. That's not unusual. I often find truths while I'm using mindfulness techniques to focus my attention. I've had so many new realizations, recently, that I would argue that our time is not ending (as many doomsayers predict with the ending of the Mayan calender). Instead, I believe our time is evolving -- awakening, if you will. More and more of my friends are openly discussing things that have been previously ignored, repressed, and relegated to the realm of the insane. We are coming into our own, as a people, as a species. Yes, there are those who are resistant. Fear is powerful. Many will choose to stay unseeing in light of change. We need all voices to have a balanced perspective. So, I hold no ill will toward those who will disagree with me. We make our own reality, I believe, from our own values, perspectives, beliefs, and truths. They don't need to be the same, at any given time. I can still learn from everyone.

 

At any rate, let me share what I learned. It may not be anything awe-inspiring for anyone else, but it was paramount, for me. Here it is: I have a place. Sounds simple, right? It isn't. I've always felt apart, inadequate, undesirable, unwanted, and ill-prepared. I've always felt 'less than.' I don't know why. But, it has been my truth since my earliest memories. I've always known, deep in my very soul, that I was not 'good enough.' Today, I realized that its no longer true in that, I don't believe that, anymore. Today, I woke up and recognized that I have a place in the world -- people who I love and who love me back; several circles of fellows of similar mind; explanations for my idiosyncrasies.

 

In fact, my 'place' is right where I am. Maybe that's why I've been holding onto the nude I've been working on, above. I've been playing with a technique where I lay in the color, blending on the canvas instead of on the palate, slowly, deliberately, with great thought, layer after layer, over and over, building texture and depth. Isn't that what I've been doing with myself? The nude isn't done, yet; neither am I. But, we are both well on our path.

 

I'm so blessed.