As I continued to reflect on the ways in which I hold myself back, I realized that one of the main ways is in the pursuit of abundance. People who know me will frequently hear me say that I'm "getting by" or have enough. I don't really cultivate more than I need at any given time. Its true that my garden sometimes produces an abundance of something (currently, its rosemary!), but in other parts of my life its almost as if I'm careful to NOT create more than needed.
I tend to be easily overwhelmed by too much. And, to be quite honest, I have quite a prejudice against wealthy people. Growing up blue-collar, and living most of my life as working-class, there was always a distrust and genuine dislike of those who were perceived as "well-off." I've never lived in a new home of my own. I have had new vehicles, but they were not what would be considered "luxury models." I have nice things, but materialistic belongings have a way of becoming separated from me, in a fairly short time, not due to my own actions. Expensive jewelry is often lost or stolen. Pricey furniture is ruined by a beloved pet. It just happens. Over and over and over again.
I know there are those among you who would argue that I manifest those types of occurrences, because I don't believe in my own right to own such things. Maybe you're right. But, to be perfectly honest, I don't really WANT those things. While it would be lovely to have a little savings and to not worry about retirement, I don't really stress over those things, anyway. Truthfully, I do trust that my life will unfurl the way it should; and that I will have what I need.
For those things non-monetary, there are many things that I would love to have in abundance -- love, friendships, compassion. I could take that list on and on. But, again, I have what I need in those places, too. I have the absolute immeasurable pleasure of being with my soul mate for more than 20 years. And, without a doubt, I can say that I love him more, now, than I ever have. I have 2 grown children. I have a beautiful granddaughter. I have work that I like. There are people with whom I have reciprocal friendships. I have a wide array of acquaintances that I find interesting and challenging and fun. What more could I need?
A grateful heart is always full, someone once told me. I can't fathom anything truer. My heart is full. Count your blessings today. And, every day.